| Too often, the things you want the most is the one thing you can't have.
Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desires can wreck your
life. But as tough as wanting something can be; the people who suffer
the most, are those who don't know what they want.
- Grey's Anatomy
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I admit it-
I have locked myself in a dark room. Not allowing people to come in & letting go of the people who
I thought will never leave my side. It's a funny story if you think about it. I never thought I would become
so afraid and weak. I don't know if people changed, things changed, or maybe I changed. No, I do know
what happened. My whole life changed. people, things and myself. I don't blame anybody though. At first
I blamed people who walked out of my life but I realize I was the one who was pushing them away. I was
the one who changed the most. I felt like my life has flashed before my eyes. Who am I? I feel like I don't
have anybody to reply on. Maybe I am right. Maybe I am alone. There's really no one I can trust. TRUST.
That was my problem. The fact that I can't trust anybody. It has been a problem for me since I can remember.
Whenever I gave my trust to someone, that someone would step all over it. I guess I never got over the
fact that I can't trust anybody. That's why I was scared of letting new people enter my life. Also the fact
that they're going to walk out of my life so why bother letting them in? How stupid of me eh? But we're all
just laughing about it right? Where do I go from here? What has the future hold for me now.................?
I thought college would open up new doors for me. BOY, was I wrong. I'm doing it again. It's like an
automatic system that has been planted inside of me. It's so hard changing old habits. What is my
true desire? How can I control my future? Or can I? I just want to be happy. I guess..I shouldn't complain
because I'm not the only one who wants to pursue happiness. Am I asking for too much? I guess I am
being selfish. First time...I'm asking for...for myself. I've always put everybody else before me. It's going
to be different from now on. If I'm being selfish..might as well be selfish all the way. For me...for me!
ha....funny story. funny. really.
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